btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
