so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize