Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
