Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
