i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
