walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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