I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
