i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
