im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
