I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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