I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
