i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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