I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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