He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
