sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
