it hurts more in the daytime
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
