I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
