I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
