i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
