Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
