Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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