he wants to bone in the snuggie
We named our party play list daddy issues
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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