Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i drank out of a bidet.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
