shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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