Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
