I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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