I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
