Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's never too late to be topless.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
