If that was your dad, he is hot
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
