Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
