O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
