somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
