Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
