I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
