i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
