these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
