You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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