you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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