dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
