at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
