Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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