I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
