I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
