it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
