I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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