I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
