Nicole vs. Life
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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