I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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