His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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