My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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