You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
