After last night, I could never be a politician.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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