I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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