Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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