Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
