Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
