I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
