Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
