yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize