we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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