we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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