I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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