im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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