does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
