Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Quick, to the slutcave!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
