Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
