Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
