I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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