i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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