Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
