The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Help. Why am I so naked?
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