Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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