She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
