no, he came in my armpit
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
