I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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