Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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