The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
be right there i have to get my cape
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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