Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
