Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You are a genius and a whore.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
