someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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