Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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